


Sincerely (Miss You Queerly), Gay

by stellargay



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Dear Evan Hansen References, Established Relationship, Gen, I'm not sorry, M/M, Phantom Thieves of Hearts - Freeform, Songfic, crackfic, headcanon that akira likes broadway musicals, i havent written fanfiction in almost a literal decade forgive me, ryuji is an absolute madman, the gang plays charades, this is really dumb and ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:28:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25173880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellargay/pseuds/stellargay
Summary: The boner squad plays charades with questionable results. Broadway musical shenanigans ensue.(I'm willing to own up to the fact that this is wildly ooc for the most part, but then, isn't most crackfic? Hopefully someone here gets a chuckle out of it.)
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	Sincerely (Miss You Queerly), Gay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sleepycrxw](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=sleepycrxw).



this is. so dumb. i wish i could apologize in advance but i'm not sorry so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

  
***

  
What's a Phantom Thief celebration without a huge blow-out party?

  
Akechi has joined up with the boner squad with a big fuck you flashed at his shittastic dad, and hey, it might be Skechy Akechi (Askechi, as Futaba calls him sometimes.), but he's one of the squad now. He's a massive tool, but Akira will be damned if Goro doesn't get the same warm, wild welcome that the rest of the members of the squad got. (Though, you can't really beat Destinyland. Sorry Goro, your party can't be as cool as Haru's.) 

  
Unfortunately, the guest of honor is running late, having to deal with navigating the subway after a long shift at the courthouse. Goro might be a phantom thief now, but that doesn't mean he can skimp on his duties as the second coming of the detective prince. Even if he is running a double-agent grift right now.   


  
As such, the rest of the boner squad (thanks for that name, Futaba) is lounging around Akira's room in various states of disarray. Futaba is laying on the floor, legs up against the wall, reading something on her phone and giggling every few seconds. (Akira is willing to bet it's Featherman fanfiction.) Makoto is braiding Haru's hair, Haru is braiding Ann's hair, and Yusuke is watching them very closely, eyes following the deftness of their fingers in an artist's leer, as Futaba calls it. (Come to think of it, Futaba has coined a lot of the squad's phrases since she joined up.) 

  
Ryuji is sitting at Akira's desk, snorting to himself as he scribbles a few things on some cardstock scraps Akira had left laying out, snippets of old calling card materials. Akira himself is texting Goro, wondering if tonight should be the night that they drop the "hey we're dating" bomb on the squad. There isn't going to be a better time for it, especially with the new school year fast approaching. Everyone is going to be preoccupied with third semester and potential new targets, and Akira would rather have everyone find out now than later, if someone happened to stumble upon them together up in Kichijoji or worse, here in the attic.   


  
Of course, Akira doesn't realize that EVERYONE fucking knows that Goro and Akira are, at the very least, boning down on each other. They aren't exactly subtle, especially in the back of the Mona car, since Makoto has started driving instead of Akira. 

  
Akira is drawn from his musings when Ryuji sits back in the desk chair and stretches before announcing "Let's play charades before Askechi gets here. If he's gonna be a slow ass, we may as well have some fun before Boss brings back the shit for hot pot." 

  
Ah, so that's what the paper snippets are for. 

  
Ryuji holds up a small stack of them, each with messy Japanese scribbled in sharpie on red cardstock. (Oh, the eye strain.) "I wrote down some shit that we can try to act out. The team that loses owes the other team high quality sushi over the new year." 

Morgana's eyes light up like Christmas trees. Akira swears he can see cartoon stars in Morgana's pupils. What that cat wouldn't do for fatty tuna...

  
Ryuji is dividing up the teams, putting himself, Makoto, Haru, and Yusuke on his team. Akira heads up the other team of Morgana, Ann, and Akechi when he gets here. Futaba passes on doing any acting. Instead she pulls up a timer on her phone and dubs herself the announcer. 

  
The game starts out as well as it can be expected. Ann is absolutely terrible at acting, which is probably why Ryuji shoved her off on Akira's team. Akira is already mentally adding up how much extra money he will need to make hawking treasure from Mementos. Surprisingly, Haru is probably one of the best players as she mimes Morgana. Yusuke, while graceful in his style, tends to overthink his motions, even with something as simple as miming painting a picture.

Like. Yusuke. C'mon. 

  
And then Ryuji pulls a card. 

  
Akira immediately regrets ever letting Ryuji choose the game. 

  
Ryuji disregards every rule in the book as soon as he sees what is written on his card. He can't stop the near cackle of laughter as he pockets the card, lips pressed together to keep from laughing out loud again, and stands in the middle of the room. His eyes meet Akira's, and the look in them makes Akira wish that he had gone with Sojiro to get groceries, because Ryuji opens his fucking mouth, and says loudly, "WOW, I SURE WOULD LOVE SOME PANCAKES RIGHT NOW!"   


  
Everyone simultaneously bursts out laughing and facepalming at the same time. Ann shrieks "RYUJI, this is supposed to be a SILENT game!" while nearly on the floor giggling. 

  
Ryuji, of course, ignores her, and makes a motion like he is dramatically flipping his hair. "Oh, heavens, those Phantom Thieves sure are troublesome! Especially their leader! But, oh, of course, I shouldn't say anything terrible about him. After all, I should tell him that I think of him each night."   
Oh god. 

  
And then, in classic Ryuji fashion, he bites down on his lower lip, a debauched display, and starts dramatically rubbing at his chest. "Also, when I do think of him I rub my nipples and start foaming with delight! Oh Akira! Oh darling leader, I love you Kurusu Akira!"   


  
Akira is going to throttle him. Especially because Ryuji is fucking quoting an American Broadway show, that he knows Akira enjoys, and now he will never not associate it with Akechi. God DAMN it, Ryuji.

  
He gets up, but he's barely moved from his spot on the bed before he realizes that someone is behind his impish blonde friend.  


  
Goro, half an hour late with a LeBlanc coffee in his hands, and looking like he's just walked in on a wild orgy. His ears are so red that Akira could swear he sees the heat waves coming off of them in the chilly air of the attic. His face is wreathed in perfect circles of flames framing his cheeks.   


  
They lock eyes for a second. It's dead silent except for Ryuji, who hasn't realized that Goro is behind him, and continues miming, arms wrapped around himself as he pretends to make out with someone, making kissy noises and loud, exaggerated moans.   


  
Well. Huh. This could have gone better. Akira blanks for just a second before an idea comes to him. He smirks, getting up off the bed and brushing past Ryuji to grab Goro's hand to bring him fully into the attic room. 

  
Good thing he's dragged Goro down into the hell that is loving the shit out of Broadway musicals in the short time that they've begun dating.   
Akira takes the coffee from Goro's hands, and grabs the ends of his boyfriend's scarf to pull him close, and winks before grabbing his hand and spinning him out in a dramatic flair. "Goro Akechi, thanks for every text you send." He warbles before pulling Goro back in to tuck him into his arms, almost cradling Goro's body against his. 

  
Behind them, Ryuji has been stunned into silence while Futaba is howling with laughter, smacking her hand on the bed and yelling something about how she KNEW what she heard through the LeBlanc bug wasn't fake. Akira forgot that Futaba has the place bugged before he and Goro come upstairs to sing loudly to each other while dancing around the room. 

  
You can't make this shit up. 

  
Their English is absolutely terrible, but as Goro laughs in surprise, he can't help but fall into the crazy routine, abandoning all pretense (since they're as good as out anyways, so fuck it) and grabbing Akira's upper arms to lean down into his embrace. "Kurusu Akira, I'm glad I'm your boyfriend!"   


  
Hoots and cackles fill the room as Akira and Goro waltz around the room, Goro still bundled in his coat and scarf, singing in terrible, terrible English. "Our friendship goes beyond your average kind of bond. It's because we're gay. Oh yes, because we're gay. We're close that way, the only men that we love is--"

  
"--AKIRA KURUSU!"

  
"--GORO AKECHI!"

  
And then they lean over in side-splitting laughter, amidst the hoots of the girls and the gleeful cackles of Futaba, crowing (haha no pun intended) about how she KNEW they were together. Her bugs don't lie. 

  
(Akira really hopes her bugs don't pick up everything they do. Because if so, that's a whole 'nother conversation.)

  
When they are able to pick themselves up off the floor, Akira snorts with laughter, mockingly pretending to wipe away a tear from his eye before looking straight at Ryuji. "I mean, I'm pretty sure that was your way of saying you knew we were a thing, but damn Ryuji, you didn't have to go that hard. You don't HAVE to listen to every detail Futaba gives you."

  
Amid screams of "GROSS!" "FUCKING NASTY!" "AKIRA WHAT THE FUCK!" Goro tugs off his scarf and tosses it onto the couch before shedding his coat as well. "We had planned on telling you lot about our teenage romance at some point, but I didn't think I would have to listen to Sakamoto claim he knows anything of our sexual prowess to get the conversation to that point." He says dryly. 

  
More shrieks of indignant disgust. 

  
Akira moves to Goro's side, poking him in the ribs before smacking a loud kiss on Goro's waiting cheek. "Hi honey, welcome home. You're here awfully late." 

  
The boner squad groans.

**Author's Note:**

> fucking hell this is. something. 
> 
> this is based on an idea that @sleepycrxw on instagram and i came up with after she posted an ig story featuring the song Sincerely, Me with a WIP drawing she had done. we decided to collaborate where she draws the akeshu animatic, and i would write the crack fic. this is the product of that late-night conversation. also this is based on an animatic edit by mushie returns on youtube, in which Connor and Evan finally profess their gay love. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDph6XM-ZQA
> 
> this is absolute crack shittery and i actually kind of love it. it's dumb and fun and honestly the first fanfic thing i have written in a DECADE. that's right y'all. a DECADE. forgive how rusty i am, i will show off my actual writing skills in a later fic i'm slowly working on. 
> 
> peace, y'all. \m/


End file.
